Never Again
by Ryoko Kashino
Summary: This is a song fic. Yes we all know cowboy bebop ended. Here's a look at what may have been going on inside of Spike. The Song used is so sad you just gotta listen to in on repeat if you own the cd. Read and Reveiw. Please be kind.


Konnichiwa!!!  This is my first song fic.  I was just so inspired when I sat there listening to this song.  I know I shouldn't put these two together but hey I felt the song fit!  Oh here's the legal mumbo jumbo.  I don't own Cowboy Bebop, so don't sue me!  TO ALL WHO FLAME : Remember Karma can be a B**ch!  Oh, and "Never Again," belongs to Justin Timberlake and Brian McKnight and can be found on JUSTIFIED. Sorry I can't remember the record company's name. Author's note  the bold letters show song lyrics.  This  *** signifies a later time (yeah I skipped a few parts the whole jet and spike scene then the faye scene too!) I'm a punk, I know!

**Never Again**

  
I stood there as the rain fell hard soaking me to the bone.  I was staring at the ground when I heard foot steps coming towards me.  I looked up to see her, the part of me that I'd lost.  I saw then the thing I dreaded most.  My angel, my salvation, the one thing I felt I truly needed more than the air I breathed was holding a gun and pointing it at me. She stood only fifteen feet away from me.  The silence broke when she began to speak.__

     "It was raining that day as well."

     "And so you didn't come, because of the rain?" I asked in a calm cool tone.

**_Would have given up my life for you._****_  
Guess, it's true what they say about love, it's blind._****                                        _Girl, you lied straight to my face, Lookin' in my eyes.  
And I believed you cause I loved you more than life_**

     "I was supposed to kill you.  It was all set-up, if I had…I would've been free." She said so matter of factly.  

     "Why didn't you? You chose to be hunted, why?" I hadn't meant to sound so concerned at the end of that question.  I tried hard to hold back all and any emotion, but as I stood there looking at her, she slowly begun to weaken me.

          Julia broke my thoughts as she asked me the question I knew that I could never answer, "Why did you love me?" 

The gun still pointed at me she moved closer.  Shortening the gap between us, I stood there frozen, perhaps in shock at her question. Julia, no longer pointed the gun at me.  Instead her sad blue eyes looked at me then her arm wrapped around my neck.  Julia's head rested on my shoulder, her perfume a light rose scent, those blond honey kissed locks and the feel of her body seemed to intoxicate me. She then began her plea.

          "Let's just go away. Escape. Vanish.  Go somewhere there's no one else, just the two of us." 

I'd waited to hear these words for three years now.  I wanted to place my arms around her and kiss her however something inside me became numb.  Hatred? Anger? Hurt? Abandonment? Any one of these could've been the answer and yet I couldn't choose. I simply stood there arms at my sides.  There was still one thing that I needed to hear from her lips. I'm sorry, is all I needed to hear, however, it didn't come.

**_And all you had to do was apologize... You didn't say you're sorry. I don't understand  
You don't care that you hurt me. And now I'm half the man. That I used to be when it was you and me. You didn't love me enough. My heart may never mend  
And you'll never get to love me, again. No, no, no, no, no, no..._**

Later that day we headed to Annie's store to get a few things to help us get away from the life we couldn't seem to escape. We found Annie. She was bleeding to death on a bench. I ran to the back and pulled out the guns that Annie kept for me.  I'd barely finished apologizing to Annie as the explosion out side signaled the rapid fire of gunshots through the air. Julia and I ran towards the back of the store and up the stairs.  I fired two shots, one narrowly missing a syndicate goon's head and the other one hit a guy right in the chest taking him out. At the second set of stairs I stopped turned and took down another syndicate crony.  We busted out of the building through the third story fire escape.  Julia filled another assailant with led as we got out of the door.  I jumped over the railing to the building below as I did I shouted to her, "This way!"

**_Sadness has me at the end of the line. Helpless, watched you break this heart of mine. And loneliness only wants you back here with me. Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me. And all you had to do was apologize, and mean it_******

I ran ahead and was fired upon by yet another assassin from below.  I skidded to the floor.  I reloaded my shot gun.  I counted the three silently in my head, I jumped to my feet and pumped off two rounds, the second shot killing him. Julia had gotten to her feet and was headed my way when I heard the door behind us open I spun around and spotted another gun wielding fiend.  I screamed, "GET DOWN!" as I did he pulled the trigger not even a second later I fired back.  It was too late.  Julia was shot. 

     "Julia!" I screamed this as she fell.  The world seemed to be in slow motion.  I ran over to her fallen body.  I flipped her round to look at me, "Julia," I said as I shook her. She looked at me and said, "It was all a…a dream." 

**_But you didn't say you're sorry. I don't understand. You don't care that you hurt me  
And now I'm half the man that I used to be when it was you and me. You didn't love me enough. My heart may never mend and you'll never get to love me…_******

It had been her last breath.  I saw her eyes gloss over as I said, "Yeah, just a dream." 

I echoed the words in my head.  Then I realized I would never hear what I truly wanted from her.  It was all a dream.  These words danced in my head as her body grew cold in my arms.  I looked up to the gray tearing heavens.  The sky seemed to know what was going to happen.  Why had it not told me?  It was all just a dream, right?

**_Wish like hell I could go back in time, maybe then I could see how..  
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try but it's_**

**_ too late, it's over now_******

A nightmare is what it had been.  The cruelest kind if you ask me.  It seemed that maybe, just maybe happiness was laying just around the corner from this cold gray clouded sky.  This nightmare needed to stop. It was going to end by my will and my way.

********

I'd just completed the silent promise that I'd made to her as she lay dead in my arms just hours ago.  The nightmare was over. I slowly staggered down the steps of the Syndicate tower. They just watched me.  All of them had once known me, Spike Spiegel, right hand man to Mao Yenrai. I reached the final step I could take.  I raised my arm and made a mock gun.  I let off a single shot, "Bang."

**_You didn't say you're sorry. I don't understand. You don't care that you hurt me.  
And now I'm half the man that I used to be when it was you and me. You didn't love me enough. My heart may never mend. And you'll never get to love me  
Again….yeah_******

As I fell, darkness enveloped me.  

**_Again, yeah, yeah  
Again, again, again, yeah, yeah, yeah  
Never get to love me_******

It was all just a dream. The truth is that the dream had never really begun.

                                                                   _NEVER AGAIN, COWBOY…_

So how was it?  I hope you liked it!  I love this story.  Yeah I know it's just a rehash of the end but, it's still a kick ass little insight to what may have been going on in Spike's mind as his last hours were upon him!  Thanks for reading!!!!


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